Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
