One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
