just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
