ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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