Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
