i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
