whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just took my morning after pill in the library
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
