When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
