sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
