hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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