North Korea, Best Korea!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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