dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
