we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
