The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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