Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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