Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
