Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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