my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
