He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
