I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
