That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
