wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
