How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
