im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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