After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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