girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
