haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
This is my gift to your gina
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
