I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
that's an acceptable place to lick
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
