I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
