can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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