We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
