I faked an abortion last night.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
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Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
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You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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