i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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