We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
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When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
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Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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