Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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