Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
