I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
