My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
