i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
