i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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