Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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