she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
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