you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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