the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
