I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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