he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
