i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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