Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize