he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
True strength comes from lack of pants
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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