I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
