I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
there is puke in my bra ... again
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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