One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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