The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
