ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
