dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
