You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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