Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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