i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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