hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
