my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Duck Duck Cougar?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
