you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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