How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
