I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
