Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
