I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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