I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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