I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
