bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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