Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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