I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
