There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
