Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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