Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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